My characters are struggling (like they're supposed to), but it was bleeding off the page and into my head. Call me Deanna Troi (and if you don't get this reference that's fine, let's just say she's one of the best characters ever created in the history of time), but I found myself absorbing my characters angst and suddenly I was frozen.
Which brings me to tarot. Don't "x" out yet. This isn't going to be a thesis on the metaphysical.
Tarot can be of the fortune-telling sort, yeah, but it's more about self-reflection. The answers don't come from the nether, they come from thinking about the question. Generally, I appreciate divine intervention. It takes the guessing out of life. I like big, glaring, flashing arrows that point to a direction to take. When I got my tarot read in the past, this was what I was looking for, and I was always disappointed.
Until I found my own deck. It's pretty and it has crows. Now the crows— I feel like I need to explain this. I know birds are a thing, and everyone and their mother has a feather tattoo and wears birds on their shirts. But little kid me? She loved crows. And big kid me? I like the way they yell and circle, but mostly, I love the idea that they remember you. If you're nice to them, they scold you a little less. If you're an ass, maybe they poop on your head.
So when I found this beautifully illustrated tarot deck, I thought, why the hell not?
This is definitely getting a bit much, so I'll move on.
After accepting my stuckedness, I decided to have a think day. I put the characters away, ignoring their screams, (sorry male MC, you're going to have to remain a douche a while longer) and thought about what was keeping me from writing.
I considered and discarded question after question. I knew that figuring out the right question can take awhile, but I was even stuck with that! Then I realized; I didn't know what to ask.
And there was the question. The question that kept swirling around my head, "What do I need?"
I took out my deck and I shuffled, and I thought. I kept thinking, "What do I need?" and shuffled more. One card fell out, so I put that aside, because it might be something important, then I laid out 10 cards into the Celtic Cross.
The very first card was the head card—the card that represented where I was mentally. I got The Sun- a card that is all about awareness, which made sense when it was crossed by The Ace of Coins, since that card symbolizes possibility. I'm starting something new, and I'm hyper-aware of it: aware of publishing a book, and writing, and having people read what I write.
My final card, the outcome card, was the Four of Wands. It represents something being finished, but it's a "happy-for-now," like a witch lurking in the shadows at the prince's wedding, waiting to throw out a spell or curse. Enjoy the cake, because there will be another challenge just around the corner.
I like that, curse or no curse. I'm not looking for a happy-ever-after, but I am looking to finish something. The Four of Wands is my take a deep breath and get ready to start again, card. And the card that fell out? That was the Wheel of Fortune. So apparently, whatever higher power is out there might be shaking things up in my life.
When I came back to my question, "What do I need?" I found that my answer was pretty simple. I need to just accept that I am where I am, and I'm going where I'm going. It's all clear as mud, but for some reason, I'm okay with it, and today, I wrote two chapters.